If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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