went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
