made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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