just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
