I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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