I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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