considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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