dude i'm inner monologue high
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
