Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
