That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I just put wine in my tea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
