Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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