VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How does it feel to date your dad?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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