I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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