i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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