it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
