I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
