People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
