So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
