If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So much Jack, so little girl.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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