I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
