So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize