I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
