he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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