i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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