I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
