this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
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You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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