she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
