I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
