i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
