did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
