I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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