I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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