Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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