remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
