he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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