I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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