allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
