i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
