it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
