I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
