Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
