Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
