Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
