somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
