White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
