is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
