my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
