People in love make me want to vomit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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