yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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