yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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