Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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