Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
