And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
