Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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