i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
