i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
