Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
