how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.