Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Randomize
Follow @tfln