You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.