i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
