I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.