you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.