I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
