just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.