Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.