I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
