Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
