how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
