don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
