So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
