I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
