Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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