bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
