I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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