the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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