Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
