So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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