Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
