It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize