I think scott just propositioned me for sex
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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