There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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