the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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