But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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