ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
