I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
