I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
