Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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