You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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