The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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