if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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