I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
