you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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