We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
