please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
