My room smells like vodka and shame
you have to choose: penises or morals?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
