He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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