I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
