she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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